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The Lord's prayer - Spiritboi's paraphrase - Renewal in the Arts

Jan. 15th, 2005

10:50 pm - The Lord's prayer - Spiritboi's paraphrase

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Our papa,
in unseen realms,
may you receive all the honour you deserve.
The way things are done where you are,
do them that way here!
Give us everything we need for today.
Forgive us our debts to you,
and we will forgive those who owe debts to us.
Save us from situations that will cause us to hurt you,
and strangle the Devil!
You have all rule.
Your power is endless.
You are ablaze in glory.
Now, and through countless ages...
YES, LORD! DO IT!

Current Mood: boredbored

Comments:

From:parables
Date:January 16th, 2005 06:35 am (UTC)

Punctuation for clarification?

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I love it; you make it sound very real and heartfelt. I think that if you wanted to do a responsible translation based on how people would express themselves colloquially nowadays, it would come out something like this.

One question: the third line is honour your name. I'm a bit confused because it sounds like a directive; are you telling God to honour his own name? Or are you saying that God's name is 'honour?' If the latter is the case, a well-placed comma, a capital H, and perhaps a set of single-quotation marks would clarify it nicely:

Honour, your name.

Or:

'Honour,' your name.

If the meaning is otherwise, perhaps an edit would be in order.

(I recently finished Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynne Truss and now I fully appreciate how punctuation clarifies the meaning of things. My inner stickler has been unleashed.)
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From:parables
Date:January 16th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)

Re: Punctuation for clarification?

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Much clearer, thank you.
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From:spiritboi
Date:January 16th, 2005 07:02 am (UTC)

Re: Punctuation for clarification?

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Editted.
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